Vi grattar Odd Solheim och alla andra norskar. Vifta på med era flaggor bäst ni vill. En dag om året tänker vi på er, resten av tiden gapflabbar vi.

Greetings from Calum Stewart. I've only just come home from Glasgow, where I was binge-drinking with my mates. Had a great couple of days, or would have had if the Strathclyde police hadn't interfered. Those buggers manacled me under the pretext that I was "truculent" and "unruly". What a load of shite! I was just having a good time, but oh no, not in Glasgow. I recieved several hard blows from the piggies truncheons and they threatened to spray me. It left me with no choice, I gave up. I was thrown in the nick for a day and walked out as a free man, but with a hefty fine. The next time I return (believe you me, I will) I'll grow eyes in the back of my fucking neck. They won't catch me again.

Cordially Calum Stewart